Mixed Feelings

This past Friday I had my first official visit with my Endocrinologist. We had been working with a fertility person at my Ob/Gyn’s office, but due to increasing issues with timing, their limited availability, my advanced issues and insurance, we made the move over to the RE. It’s the same doctor that did my IUI last month, and after having a full appointment with him, I like him quite a bit.

Prior to my appointment, I’d had some of the blood results from my Rhumetologist sent over for review, and when I arrived the doctor had already been reviewing my file. Not only had the doctor been looking over it, but everyone that I worked with that day was aware of my inflammation issues, and on board to see if we could get them in check. I brought a note from my Rhumetologist with me suggesting a treatment, which the doctor reviewed and will be in touch with my other doctor about to determine the best way to treat my sky rocketting inflammation. This made me very happy. Finally! Some treatment! It sounds like we might be looking at a low dose steroid treatment, but I’m not positive yet.

The only thing that I left my appointment relatively unhappy about was that I have to do a Clomid Challenge Test to determine my egg count. I’ve specifically avoided Clomid for a myriad of reasons and had opted for Letrozole treatments, which have been successful for me. However, the doctor indicated that there have not been enough studies done with Letrozole to determine if it can be used to successfully count your eggs. As such, this test must be done on Clomid. I’m pretty unhappy about it, but understand it needs to be done. Once we are past it, I will be pushing to go back to the Letrozole.

Additionally, I learned that I definitely had a miscarriage in December/early January. The RE ordered some blood work to see if we can narrow down why this happened – and it seems like the options are just a genetic issue that made the pregnancy not viable, or an autoimmune issues that caused either blood clotting or constricted blood vessels (which seems more likely given my already known autoimmune problems). Depending on what the blood work shows, I may have to start heparin shots, in addition to the daily aspirin that I”m already taking, to keep my blood thinned and allow for a successful pregnancy. If I continue to have miscarriages, I will have to have additional testing done to try and nail down what is causing them. Hopefully this will not be required.

I have mixed feelings about the miscarriage. On the one hand it is good to know that I CAN get pregnant. And the doctor seemed to  view it positively – indicating that we were in a better position then someone who has been trying as long as we have and has had no pregnancies at all. On the other hand, I feel a little bit like this is all my fault. That maybe my body can’t handle this amongst the Myriad of other problems that it is currently facing. And that is a little frustrating, since I don’t know how to fix it. Hopefully we will be able to come up with a treatment for the inflammation that will help both the issue and with getting pregnant.

In addition to all of this, I was also given another small regimen of medication to take. This included a prescription Pre-Natal vitamin and some additional suppliments. He also indicated that if my body isn’t doing well on the full 2000 mg of Metformin, I can go back down to 1500 mg. In addition, he ran some blood work to confirm I really do need to be taking the metformin.

One of the hand outs that we received in our packet from the doctor was with regards to stress. It acknowledged that once you are at this point with infertility, there is going to be stress involved. I really like that was acknowledged, as opposed to something just saying “don’t stress”, because it’s simply not that easy. It also encouraged you to not sit on your feelings or bottle them up, because that just makes them worse. I made Robert read it too, because I really think he needs to understand that logic isn’t the solution to all problems. A few of the things that they recommended was engaging in a hobby, exercising, deep breathing activities, doing romantic things that are intimate but don’t lead to sex and keeping a journal.

Well, I’ve already started doing a number of those on my own, but there are a few others that were suggested that I may try to incorporate into what we are already doing. Because infertility IS stressful. And it IS hard not to think about it. And it IS upsetting. And someone telling you not to stress over it pretty much makes me want to punch them in the face, because it’s clear that they don’t understand what you are going through.

Anyhow. I’ve a slew of doctor’s appointments lined up for this week. We will be doing another trigger shot this cycle, because I am keen on being aggressive, but I haven’t decided on the IUI yet. The doctor indicates that if we are doing the trigger shot, we might as well do the IUI – but Robert’s insurance doesn’t cover his portion of it, so until we figure out treatment for the inflammation and miscarriage issues, I’m not sure if we should undertake the extra expense, if it’s likely to just end up with another miscarriage. And, well, the first time I got pregnant was without the IUI. So we shall see.

Until then, we will continue this crazy emotional whirlwind.

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One thought on “Mixed Feelings

  1. Hi, I am happy that some good things happen to you. And I wish and hope that more good things keep happening to you. I will keep you in my prayers. /Hugs 🙂

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