So, Robert and I have made the decision to start a family. We actually made the decision early last summer, and had originally planned to start trying after our upcoming vacation to Disneyland. Well, things being what they are and plans changing, we decided to go ahead and start trying after Christmas.
I had a lot of concerns. My age, his age, my weight, having been on birth control for well over a decade. And, well, if you believe what you read, it would seem that given all those factors we may be engaging in what could very well be an uphill battle. And it seems that putting it off was simply not in our best interests.
As such, bought an ovulation detection kit and started peeing on my first set of sticks. We read the instructions carefully to make sure that we did everything properly and simply waited for the smiley face to appear (I am not fucking shitting you, you get a giant smiley face when you are ovulating….). I was convinced that between my age and the birth control, I would pee on a million sticks and never see the damn smile. As it turns out, a million sticks was really six.
Despite the fact that I spent forty bucks on the damn smiley face sticks, we still planned to follow the doctor’s instructions of having sex (seriously, why does everything say “make love with your partner”? I mean, let’s be real, sometimes sex is simply sex) three to four times a week. So we were already partaking in the “attempts” before the smile appeared – but we made sure to follow the instructions on the stick as well.
However, it seems fate was not on our side this time. Robert got quite ill on January first, and I was in a nasty car crash in January second. Let me tell you, there is nothing like drooling snot and a concussion that makes me want to “make love with my partner”. So we fell short of the doctor’s orders, despite following the instructions from the stick.
Well, as it turns out, come Saturday I started my period – five days earlier than I was expecting it, but there is was nonetheless. I was a bit sad. I mean, I knew it was unreasonable to expect to be successful our first try – but so many people around me had done just that, that I guess I had set my hopes and expectations too high. I went ahead and took a test when it finished, just to be sure it wasn’t implantation bleeding, but it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know: I wasn’t pregnant.
While I was quite sad, I was also somewhat reassured that all of my plumbing is still functioning properly – or seems like it is anyhow. I was also harshly reminded exactly how light your flow becomes after extended birth control use. I will certainly miss that…hopefully I won’t have this reminder too often.
And so it is back to peeing on the damn daily sticks again, waiting for a smiley face to appear. Maybe I’ll draw some horns on the detector, so that at least it will be a devilish smiley – with curiosity and intrigue – and not any boring smiley, like all of the others.